I remember (DP Weekly Writing Challenge; freestyle memory)
I remember (DPwriting Challenge Freestyle memory):
When I search my mind looking for a memory, I stop myself several times saying things like; not that one its too sad, or that one is so personal or oh god lets not deal with that one today! I have a life full of heartache, pain and humiliation that I have to sort through every time I start down memory lane. I really think every one experiences this a least a little. We all have experienced pain of some sort. I have always wondered why it is so much easier to remember the bad stuff and why the good stuff gets lost sometimes.
My brain sorter or filter had to be trained. I spent years looking and eventually finding the happy memories from my childhood/early adulthood. It was a conscious effort that took time. I succeeded in looking past the drama and pain but it wasn’t easy. When I look back on how I changed my prospective I credit three things: It took practice in sorting thoughts, dedication for me not to dwell on it, but most of all it took writing! I wrote everything down in a painful, horrible and brutal way. Once it was out of me it no longer haunted me. Writing changed everything and brought me to a new and happier state of mind. I, now, find the humor in life and spend most of my time writing fun and humorous blogs that make me (and hopefully others) smile.
Writing has always been my savior and my crutch. I longed to fill pages with my thoughts and I write about everything. I have hundreds of word documents filled with stories but I have always been too self critical or too scared to allow others to read them. Until now! I started blogging recently, putting my work and ideas out there for others to read and it feels good. Interesting enough, blogging helped me sort my writing by genre, so I am no longer lost in my mind.
I remember when I first discovered writing for emotional release. I was probably around ten and was very angry at one of my sisters. I wrote a poem about her being a monster. I wish I had that poem to share because looking back it truly was a milestone. Writing helped me through my teenage years too. I wrote several poems and short stories to help through my angst. As a teenager I struggled with self-esteem and other home problems that I dealt with through writing. I remember retreating to my room and losing myself for hours with a pen and paper. Oh I would give anything to be able to read the things I wrote, but of course I destroyed them in a teenaged fit.
In my early adulthood I had a computer, so I have most of the writings I have done since then. Some were destroyed in a self-esteem rampage but I managed self-control for the most part. I love to write in general. I love to tell stories or make commentary about life, but most of all I love that my life now is full of positive energy and fun things. I truly feel that I would be different if I never took the time to write my feelings down. I can see the evolution of my emotion well being through my writings as well. I have a broad spectrum of poetry, stories and memories charged with the emotions of that particular moment. Reading them later is very powerful. When hindsight was 20/20 and I was confused as to why I made a choice, reading a diary entry to help clarify is quite eye opening. I also see growth in myself by reading my past writings. Originally, all my writings were so dark filled with the worst memories I could think of and very painful to read. Now, my writings are generally full of humorous antics and memories that make me laugh.
I wonder what gratification other writers enjoy from their work? I also wonder what I will evolve to next? (Hopefully something really cool but I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.)
This writing challenge really brought out a lot for me! Thank you. I have enjoyed this challenge and like that the DP reminds me that writing everyday helps improve my work. Ultimately, I am happier because of it.
Three, two, one! Time 🙂