Stand up, Stand down! Wow! Do I want to blend in!?!?!

Anxeity

Today’s daily prompt really addresses something I am dealing with right now in my life; and I said in my last post that I was going to try to write about something serious so here it goes.

A crowd of people, parents of the kids my kids go to school with and here I am full of anxiety and insecurities. I know, I need to get to know them so my kids can have play dates outside of school but the thought terrifies me. I am good at having acquaintances and when I have a reason to talk to people but random social situations are not my thing. That is why I joined the PTO here in our new town. I was hoping this would provide me a reason to talk. It has and will continue to help me bridge my insecurities. The reality remains that I will have to trust someone, open myself up for judgment and risk rejection before I make an actual friend.  The thought of doing that makes me want to kick my feet and stomp in revolt. I find myself lonely and depressed a lot but the only person I can blame for this is my self.  When I get into social gatherings or large groups I want to fade in the background so bad I can taste it. I have spilled this anxiety on to my daughter and for that I am eternally sorry. I come off as an outgoing and cheery person; most people have no idea that I am full of anxiety. I have been told that being mistaken as confident is a good way to find confidence but to me it isn’t. Lots of people see me, talk to me and even think they like me but the reality is that no one knows me really and I sometimes think if they did, their opinions would change.

The one thing I do have going for me in this situation is my optimism. I believe that things will change and eventually I will figure this out. Someone will find my crazy antics funny and I will accept the fact that life is full of ups and downs. Hopefully, I will allow both sides of myself to come out of the woodwork and shine together. 

 

On a random note: This blog reminded me of my blog “You should never Lock people in a fire” . This is a random statement from my five-year-old son. I blogged about the meaning and what an interesting place his mind has to be. If I was to think abstractly about his statement and not take it literally it could apply to this topic. Right now, I am locking people out of my life, keeping them away as you would keep fire away because I am afraid to get burned. Interesting perspective on the random musings of a five year old…

 

This blog is written in response to today’s daily prompt:

When was the last time you really stood out in a crowd? Are you comfortable in that position, or do you wish you could fade into the woodwork?”

 

Here are some other bloggers responses:

 

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

1. The Center of Attention | Godrick Gnomish

2. Standout | The Magic Black Book

3. Successfully Stereotyped (A Walking Contradiction) | Daily Prompt: Standout | likereadingontrains

4. If Poetry Were Baseball | Liars, Hypocrites & The Development of Human Emotion

5. Daily Prompt: Standout | Under the Monkey Tree

6. Books, Music, Photography & Movies : my best friends

7. Standout Colors | Andante Cantabile

8. Daily Prompt: Standout | littlegirlstory

9. Standout | Geek Ergo Sum

  1. Daily Prompt: Standing Out and then Fading into the Background | a Portia Adams adventure
  2. I Like The Dark for a Reason | Untitled Entity
  3. Stand up; stand out | Random Encounters of an Inquisitive Mind
  4. First day of senior year – facing the crowd | Never Stationary
  5. Standout | suzie81’s Blog
  6. Stand Up and Tell Us About It Kid | JuSt ViSiTiNG THiS PLaNeT…
  7. Outstanding | As I See It
  8. Strangers | cellarfloor
  9. Scenery, Not Seen | mentalrollercoaster
  10. Daily Prompt: Standout « Mama Bear Musings
  11. Some People Can Do Brando And Some People Can’t (short fiction) | The Jittery Goat
  12. To thine own self be true… | notsinglebutnothappy
  13. Uniquely Mattered | clarior e tenebris
  14. “Standout” | Relax
  15. Standout: Egyptian Cat | Khana’s Web
  16. Ladybug Standout | The left side
  17. Daily Prompt: Standout – Graffiti as art | SERENDIPITY
  18. 16|8 Daily Prompt: Standout | familyphotosfoodcraft.com
  19. Differences of the Mind | Maggie’s Stories
  20. Raspberry (Standout) | photo potpourri
  21. Daily Prompt: Standout | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  22. Oops…Red-Faced In A Crowded Elevator! | The Political and Social Chaos Blog
  23. Kind of a Sore Thumb | Kind of a Bum
  24. Contradictions: Stand Out | Blue Loft
  25. “Standout” daily post « Equitherapy
  26. Too Cute… | Haiku By Ku
  27. In The Eyes Of Fame | The Muslim Bricks
  28. DP Standout– Poem: The Key to Wholeness | The Abuse Expose’ with Secret Angel
  29. I Was Chosen | Daily Observations
  30. Belonging | The Silver Leaf Journal
  31. Standout | Life & Times
  32. Standing out! | JB Blogs
  33. The Power of the TRIPOD | It’s a wonderful F’N life
  34. Daily Prompt: Standout | Moments Thru Lens
  35. Ode to the MILF | The Flavored Word
  36. It’s not as it appears… | New Visions
  37. Is the camera on? | I Didn’t Just Wake Up This Morning with a Craving
  38. Daily Prompt: Standout – Dance in Public… Who Me? « IF I ONLY HAD A TIME MACHINE
  39. DragonMommie’s World
  40. To Speak or Not to Speak | DragonMommie’s World
  41. stands out blending in | kemkoh

 

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About jenmarsh79

I am a stay at home mother of two who has recently discovered the joy of blogging! :)

4 responses to “Stand up, Stand down! Wow! Do I want to blend in!?!?!”

  1. roweboat55 says :

    Here we go ! Look out world, Jenmarsh79 is coming out of the woodwork and I am looking forward to it.

  2. Tamara says :

    Lol. So the two people I have become acquainted with since you moved have yet to facebook friend me. When they ask about doing it I told them, “be aware if you want to preserve your opinion of me and not be offended you don’t want to do that.” I love this one. It show why we have been such great friends for so long. I love you.

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