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How a Mom can rationalize chocolate cake for breakfast!

How a pro can rationalize chocolate cake for breakfast!

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A healthy self-image is hard to maintain when you have kids. They don’t mean to bash your self-esteem; they are actually paying you compliments. For example: “Mom I prefer to lay on you because Daddy’s belly is hard and yours is soft.” This is a compliment to them.

award cartoon

Here is my favorite example:

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It’s a nice drawing isn’t it? My son gave this lovely art to me, beaming with pride. He said, “I made this for you! It is a picture of you!” I was so impressed. I examined it closely as I hung it up on the fridge and said, “Its beautiful! I love it. What is the circle? My dress?” He smiled proudly, “nope! That is your wonderful, squishy belly.”  I am also walking the blonde dog.  That is the leash, dog and dog bed.

It hangs on my refrigerator and I see it everyday. I think it helps me not eat crap I don’t need. The reality, is that it just helps me justify the non-healthy junk food I want. How you might ask? I can justify because I am faced with the ultimate conundrum: If my belly gets hard (like daddy’s) then I won’t get very much cuddle time. I can’t live without my cuddle time. Therefore, I have decided that a squishy belly is a good thing.

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So that my friends is how I justified chocolate cake for breakfast.

What is funny? Am I funny?

What is funny to me, might not be funny to others. I find myself hilarious! If I didn’t, I would be a total basket case. Although the idea that I am not a basket case is up for debate. The funniest person in my life is my friend Marcus. He is always making me laugh. He helps me laugh at myself too.

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The funniest blog I think I have ever written was also my first. I have reblogged it here for those who missed it. 🙂
We Don’t eat the kitty!
So there are many things I say, that before children came into my life, I never thought would come out of my mouth. This is very normal and something I read about often, but my kids seem to have shocked me far more than what I read about. It all started with my daughter as a toddler: I have two dogs and four outside cats, but when my daughter was three, we only had one dog and one cat. My daughter always wanted the cat to come inside and I responded kindly that if he would take a bath without scratching me he could live inside like the dog.  Never in a thousand years would I have thought about what she decided to do. She was and still is a problem solver and never just takes no for an answer. One day when she was three she was particularly cheerful and very self-entertained with her dress up and style toys, then she went quiet and we all know that a quiet three year old is scary.
I started searching for her in every room. I didn’t find her and my panic grew! Then, I hear it;  the bathroom toilet lid closes hard and loud. I started running to see what is going on and I see her hand on the flusher smiling. I bent down and put her hands in mine and say, “ what is in the potty sweetie?” She smiles and says, “it’s a surprise mommy!” Oh no! My panic turns to terror wondering what in gods name is in the potty? And how could it be a surprise for me! Then I heard it; The faint meow from inside the potty!
what
I was shocked staring at my beautiful sweet girl and knowing what was inside the potty that she was about to flush!
I looked straight into her beautiful brown eyes and said, “Is there a kitty in the potty Sweetie?” She looked genuinely disappointed that I ruined her surprise. And said pouting, “Yes mommy but I am not ready to show you!” What are your plans I thought, why on earth would you flush the kitty and think I would like it! I have raised a beautiful girl who has a very warped sense of what is right. I am in full blown mommy meltdown as I carefully lift the lid of the potty to reveal a very wet and angry kitty. The cat jumps out clawing and scratching for his life and runs straight out the door meowing and hissing all the way. I look at the potty and my very sad baby not sure of what to do next, then I see it, a bar of soap in the potty. I am like, ok the cat was weird but now a bar of soap too.
What on earth is going on here? So I hesitantly bend down to ask my daughter what she was really doing. And as innocently as she looks she responded, “You said the kitty was dirty so I was giving him a bath but I wasn’t done. “  I immediately felt over come with mommy guilt knowing that my words set this in motion and she truly was trying to please me. Long story short, we had many talks about why kitties do not need to take a bath in the potty and I started allowing the cat inside. I never thought anything could top the day my daughter almost drowned the kitty, but then I had my son.
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When my son was four, and being the rambunctious boy he is, we decided that the old dog couldn’t handle him and it was time for a puppy that could play with the boy.  We had already accumulated more cats from a stray that had a litter but that is another story.  The puppy was awesome and a perfect fit for our boy and the girl liked her too. The old dog was happy to be left only finally and our family seemed complete, but the puppy had trouble with the cats. The puppy is named Butters because she is so clumsy. It seems like everyday since we got her I have the same conversation with Butters and it goes like this: we don’t eat the kitty! Butters always objects by widening her mouth and whining while putting the cat’s head in her mouth! Surprisingly the cat doesn’t seem to mind…. Don’t eat the kitty!!!!!

eatkitty

Well, my son witnesses this often and I really didn’t think it would have an adverse effect on him, but it seems I was wrong. One day I was cooking dinner and the boy was being especially quiet so I decided to seek him out and see why, ominous music started playing in my head as I searched for him. Then, I saw him with the Kitty inside on the couch with Butters sitting curiously beside him as if she was cheering him on. His mouth is open wider than I have ever seen it and he was trying to put the cat’s head in his mouth. The cat is sitting quietly letting this scenario happen as the boy tries desperately to put the cat’s head in his mouth. I say bewildered, “what on earth are you doing, why just why? He looks up smiling innocently, “ I just wanted to see why Butters does this everyday.” I was shocked and confused. I am like What!? So I say it to him in the same voice I say it to the dog as I pick up the cat to put him back outside, “We don’t eat the kitty”

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Check out our video at https://jennifermarshcurtis.wordpress.com/?s=blurred+lines

This post was written in response to Today’s Daily Prompt:

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/26/daily-prompt-clever/

Here are some other great responses:

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Mommy Guilt

Mommy Guilt: The ultimate punishment

All us mothers out here are familiar with the tummy twisting, gut wrenching nightmare associated with Mommy guilt. This is the horrid beast that haunts our dreams and sometimes motivates us to extremes. Mommy guilt comes from a varied of ways but the general definition (in my head) is the remorse felt when a decision or act from a mommy has a negative effect on their child. This can be a simple has forgetting to sign their homework folder even though they reminded you and they got in trouble for it or as harsh as watching the negative effects a divorce in the family has on your child’s emotions. There are more extreme cases and probably less extreme as well but the point is that mommy guilt is a real and sometimes tortuous feeling. Unfortunately, we mommies sometimes act out of guilt and start to compensate for what ever mistake we made. (I try not to do this but sometimes it happens.) This break in consistency can also have negative effects and restart the cycle of the mommy guilt. What do we do to stop the Mommy guilt cycle? I have a few ideas:

1. Realize that Mommy’s are human too and everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself!

2. You love your child and would never make a negative decision purposely to hurt them. Let it go and move on so your child can too.

3. Eat some chocolate you deserve it.

4. Realize that perfect and normal are not obtainable goals. Set your goals to realistic like, “ My goal is that my children feel unconditional love and feel secure within their boundaries”

5. A job of a mommy is 24/7 breaks are few and far between you have to make a point to allow some alone time and not feel guilty about it. It is ok to enjoy life without your children; it doesn’t mean you don’t love them.

6. Things happen, life has a tendency to throw curve balls that negatively effect everyone in the household, remember: Things that happen to you do not make up who you are, it is your response that defines your humanity.

7. Every mommy struggles and every person makes mistakes. It’s ok and remember children are resilient beings who will bounce back.

8. Children reflect the emotional state of their mothers. A sad mother will result in the children feeling down too. Cheer up buttercup! You are doing great!

Here are a few links for more info:

Infant Mommy guilt: http://www.babycenter.com/0_top-7-mommy-guilt-trips-8211-and-how-to-handle-them_3654967.bc

A list of other articles on mommy guilt: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/mommy-guilt

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This Photo is from http://mommyhoodtohollywood.com/wp/?p=7177 Another great article about mommy guilt!

This post was written for today’s Daily Prompt: First

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/daily-prompt-first/

I have to remind myself of these things regularly. As a mother I feel the ultimate responsibility for the emotional, physical and educational well being of my children. When things go south, I have to consciously try not to beat myself down about it. From reading books, blogs and other websites I have found that I am not alone in this cycle. I made the list above a very long time ago and I whip it out regularly when I need a reminder. I complied the list from varied readings and web searches on how to cope with mommy guilt and I summed them up.  Being a parent is hard but the most rewarding job I will ever have. If I were to send one message to anyone out there it would be: we are our own worst critics and as mommy’s we need to forgive ourselves.

Here are some other great responses:

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3. First ! | Books, Music, Photography & Movies : my best friends

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Remembering Nana | A mom’s blog

The CB Conspiracy ( a good movie title)

funny

 

If I was to cast a movie I would call it the CB conspiracy. It would be about the secret goal of all children to prevent more procreation in the household.  I wrote this blog a long time ago but it fits with today’s daily prompt so I thought I would reblog it here for today’s daily prompt: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/daily-prompt-superstar/

The CB Conspiracy:

The day my daughter asked what CB meant was a creative and inspirational day for me. See my husband has nicknamed my children and dogs CB1 through 4. When my daughter turned ten she finally asked what it meant.

kidsmeme

Of course, I can’t tell her the original meaning: Cock Block!  I will tell you how they achieved this nickname. It is a tough conspiracy to swallow but the truth is there and you will soon see how the multifaceted nickname is fitting for all the rug rats.

rugrats

The conspiracy: My husband believes that children are born with instincts that detect intimacy. As soon as he or I begin to touch each other they must intervene. He claims it is in their DNA. At first I didn’t believe him but as my kids grew older I see he might have a point.  My son will hone in on the simplest acts of intimacy. My husband might come close to kiss me in the kitchen while the children are playing elsewhere in the house and BAM he is beside us asking to be part of the “group hug” I am like it wasn’t a group until you showed up but who can say no to that cute face asking to hug so the intimacy is gone and we are hugging as parents instead of lovers again.

 

 

My daughter has the same instincts but hers are more devious. She will go on about her day and wait until late at night after everyone is asleep. We will cuddle close and begin to snuggle in an intimate manner and BAM she is at our door asking for water or saying she is cold but the worst is that she had a nightmare and needs to snuggle. We welcome her in and by the time she is ready to return to her bed all intimacy is gone and sleep take priority.

sleeping

The dogs are just as bad. The little one jumps on the bed and feels the instinctual need to be lie between my husband and I at all times. We can push her down repeatedly and eventually we give up and sleep. During the few time s my husband and I achieve intimacy we have to throw her out of the room, which results in her whining at our bedroom door alerting the other CB’s that she has failed in task to stop intimacy. The big dog is told old to jump on the bed and he gave up on stopping us long before the other CB’s came into existence but his instinct survives in his ability to wake the others and alert them to the situation. The big dog is sickened by the impending intimacy and seeks out the girl to assist him. See her bed is lower to the ground so he climbs up there and wakes her up so that she will stop all intimacy.

dogonbed

The motivation for this process escaped me for a long time and I doubted my husbands conclusions until it struck him as to why, “every animal has instinctual self preservation and they know that intimacy leads to more rug rats so therefore it must be stopped to preserve their place in the pack.” Yes my husband often compares our family unit to that of wild animals and I hate to admit it but he usually has a valid point. Don’t tell him that though I wouldn’t want to give him false hope of becoming the pack leader…lol

The day my daughter wanted an explanation. I avoided answering it till after dinner and homework and bought my self time to brainstorm ideas that would be feasible and believable without grossing her out. So, I came up with a list of very fitting definitions all of which apply to all of the CB’s in my household. The funny thing is that my list is an unbelievable accurate explanation of all the instinctual actions of my rug rats. The list is as follows:

Clean Bat: A clean bat is an animal that uses all sense other than sight to seek and destroy all clean areas within the home. The bats get waves alerting them that a portion of the house has been cleaned and then their instincts draw them to the area and compel them to undo the cleanliness.  Both children and dogs suffer from clean bat syndrome and unfortunately there is no cure.

childrenmess

Citizen Ban (Radio): This was my husband’s suggestion because it is an acronym used by more people than us. This one was hard for me to define in relative terms but after some thought I succeeded: My children and most of my friend’s children instinctually broadcast all information that their parents don’t really want known. If a child accidentally discovers that her mother has decided to take a pole dancing class for exercise and excitement that child will turn into a virtual CB and announce it proudly at school with improper context.

For example: Teacher, “ Good morning class did you all have a good weekend?” Child, “ Oh yes!! My mommy learned how to twirl on a pole but she got her leg stuck and said she would not make a buck if she didn’t get it right!”

What really happened is the child over heard a conversation between her mother and her best friend who decided to take a pole dancing class for exercise and to spice up intimacy and the conversation consisted of sarcasm and laughter at themselves and it went like this: Friend, “What did you think of tonight’s class?” Mommy, “ Oh it was just grand I could twirl around the pole but when they said put you leg around it I lost all balance and landed on my tushy it was video worthy.” Friend laughing, “ well sh%$ you know its very important you succeed at twirling on a pole!” Mommy, “oh yeah if I don’t, I will never make a buck and people chunking change at me would hurt.” Mommy and friend laugh and continue talking but the child only heard that one part and was concerned about her mother making a buck.

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Children aren’t the only CB that fit in this category dogs do as well I will give another example for you skeptics out there:

You get a phone call from you bestie and notice that the children are happily playing without you so you quietly sneak outside to have the conversation you want to have, keeping in mind the previous scenario where your kids announce everything to everyone. You reach the back door and the four legged fur monsters alert everyone to your plan not allowing you to escape for that one phone call. Its instincts and a full-blown conspiracy!

Now all you mothers out there understand what I am saying and I would love to hear different explanations for the acronym CB.

Here are some other great responses:

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